shoes

I am not very good at vacations...I don't really relax. I don't really plan. And, when I have time off, I stress so much about what to do, what not to do, how much time I'm wasting....

Except for this weekend. I simply was. I did not set my alarm, I did not try to plan, book, schedule anything. I just let the day happen. I just let myself be. It was a bit unnerving at times. Admittedly, I found myself anxious on occasion. And, I currently find myself reminiscing over the things I didn't do.

Yet, I am finding that this week has been one of the most care-free, relaxing, spontaneous times of my life. I don't feel off balance. I don't regret my decisions, or lack thereof.

I simply am comfortable in the shoes I'm currently in. I find that I don't even have to be Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City to enjoy my own louboutin's. And that feels exsquisite.

Knock Knock, Who's There?

So, here I am at work on a Monday....and my mind can do nothing else but think about this past Saturday...

I knocked on someone's door...actually not just anyone's door. It was someone who is potentially (most likely) my biological father.....

He didn't answer. He was home. He couldn't face me, his daughter...his very own flesh and blood.

So, this morning, I'm knocking on Heaven's Door...to ask the one who is supposed to be close to the brokenhearted to help me keep going...because I'm still breathing.

How 'Bout Them Apples?

I love, absolutely love movies...especially movies that really seem to resonate. Years ago, I watched the movie, "Good Will Hunting". I distinctively remember watching it with my mom. I am from a small town, and we had to drive 30 minutes to the nearest town with a movie theatre just to see it. It was quite an occasion for she & I. I rarely watched movies in the theatre, even less so with my mom. I don't remember all of the details about that day. I do remember that our relationship wasn't doing so well. But, it's days that I miss her most that I reminisce about any memory I have, good or bad. I am happy to be at a place now in my life in which I can remember her as a whole person, not just as a person that, for lack of a better word/phrase, abused me.

I remember that I adored this movie. I recently watched it just a few days ago. I had forgotten how foul the language was & how raw the movie seemed. And I think what I liked most about the movie is the store of redemption. This guy has a horrible upbringing, being shifted to foster home to foster home, and even though he is essentially a genius, he has no sense of safety. He trusts only a few, as he's found that others will fail him. He's settled in an environment that is safe, even though it's not best. Through meeting someone else, a counselor, he is able to grasp what his life would be if he could forgive, let go of the past, and move on. It's easy to think that someone else should do that...much more difficult on our own to do such.

I love redemption & restoration. I strive for that in my own life, and try to help others achieve that in their own. Maybe that's what I love so much about the movie. Maybe that's why the memory of seeing that movie with my mom is so poignant. Every day that I miss her, I am so thankful that our relationship was restored. I am thankful for those individuals in mine & in hers that led us into a new path, one of forgiviness, faith, and hope.

Today, I am going to try to look for the story of redemption in everyone I see.

Job Description

So, my job has recently changed. At least part of it has. Part of my time at the office is now specifically categorized as "missionary care ", where essentially I simply contact our missionaries to see how they are doing.

How cool is that?

What I like best about this new position is that it is a position formatted toward my strengths, & one that I can personally be involved in the evolution process.

I am beyond ecstatic.

What I hope to accomplish in this is to be waaay more than my job description.

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Sometimes You're the Windshield...

...And sometimes you're the bug.

This weekend was one of those kinda weekends. It seems like in my life when I am doing pretty well, things are moving at a certain pace, no hiccups, or obstacles to really deal with, those are the times I am supposed to look around me to see if there's someone else who is experiencing such.

This Saturday was just that. A "bug" kind of day for my roommate, my friend, one who is like family to me. She is strong for those around her, and can help in just about any situation. But, this weekend she got news that just seemed to swallow her confidence, her resolve. Luckily, she had friends & family that were able to just let her "be the bug". I am grateful that I have friends in my life that I can just completely be myself around. Hopefully, this weekend I was able to be the kind of friend she needed.

Hopefully the bug days are few & far between this year.

Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew...

Well, I started a new blog. He he he. I don't even consistently write this one, so I'm not sure how I am gonna maintain two. Perhaps this blog will be more of my personal writings, saved for epiphanies, wild hairs, ramblings, and the like (wink).

This other new blog I've created will hopefully be a more of a chronicle of my health. You see, I started going to a chiropractor to keep from being in pain every day. It's my hands, they hurt all the time, all day long. I've been known to wake up to them hurting.

So, to help keep myself accountable, & to account for the success, I decided to blog. I feel like Julie from the movie Julie & Julia. We'll see....

Trying to chew now.