Just face it

i am listening to a lot, a lot of country music lately. I think i am wanting to get back to my roots, get back to a time when my life was simpler, and more down to earth.

I was leaving the apartment today after a long day of cleaning, purging, and organizing. While driving, I heard Carrie Underwood's new song, "Wasted".

I started to examine exactly where I am at in this season of my life. The lyrics were quite poignant for my current situation. I don't want to just exist. One of my biggest fears in life is that I will look back upon my life regretting missed opportunities and wrong decisions. So, this song speaks to me.

here's a sample:

She said sometimes love slips away
and you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

This song is true for me. I almost went back into the situation that i have since left. And yes, I saw my way out. I am not regretful of my decision. It was a difficult one. And I am facing it. Is this a sign of maturity? Oh God, I hope so.

sell all that you own

I am sure that when jesus said this, he didn't really mean because the person himself was poor. I am, however, in that situation. Because of my own stupidity, I am left with nothing. Instead of being depressed and angry, I am finding myself ecstatic. I love not having "stuff". I have never been attached to things, per se. But, this is quite an extreme mode of living. I think it goes back to my need to survive growing up. When you are just trying to survive the situation, then you find out what is truly important. (books, people, underwear) The hardest part is knowing how poor I really am. I am not just poor, but I am much like the government. I have a deficit. This is something I don't like attached to me. Red ink is a part of who I am currently. This must change. Hence, selling all that I own...

to thine own self be true

this is what I am doing in this season of my life

I am finding out who I am, who I am not, and what I need to change.

I love nature, being out in it, basking in the sunshine.

I am country, yes, there I said it--if you could hear me, I would sound heavy with drawl.

I am a hard worker-although I am interested in the idea of working smarter.

I am someone who pays back what I owe."Just say no" to bankruptcy.
(Disclaimer: if I owe you money, i am so so so sorry, just let me know, and I will pay it back, I promise! I probably forgot.)

I am not that great of a friend, but what I do best is make you feel like a million bucks when you are actually in my presence.

I am a bookworm. I love books, book ideas, book clubs, bookstores, anything with the word "book" in it.

I don't like confrontation. i abhor it.

I love experiencing new things. I used to attribute this to being fickle, but I am coming to understand that so much of my experiences are truly about finding out what makes me tick.

These are just a few things that I have been mulling over in my head as of late. Is that even a real word. I don't even know.

working for a livin....

i don't really want to have correct punctuality at the moment. I am writing this too late, and just want to get it on paper....

today I was at the grocery store picking up some things and noticed one of the workers outside. he is working there just about every time I go. for awhile I didn't see him, and I have to admit, i missed him. i like going regularly to the same place, and being able to spot familiar faces. i find it quite reassuring. what i also think is interesting about this person is that every time I see him, he is talking to himself. he is not very positive, as it seems that he is always arguing with himself. and while i do find it a bit sad, i also inwardly smile, appreciating his faithfulness. seriously, he's there quite a bit. he does many jobs that others probably would shirk. he is working. bringing in an income. keeping the economy going, all while being, er, let's just say somewhat inhibited mentally.

and yet, i know someone who mentally is strong, or at least doesn't have conversations with himself, but somehow cannot find it within themselves to go to work for just a few hours a day.

i find it hard to understand.....i find it hard to empathize....i find it hard to believe.....

The Measure Of A Man

In my profile, I am going to be sure to admit that I enjoy country music WAAAY more than I should. Today I was listening to a song that by Jack Ingram that spoke about what being a man is all about. I enjoy this song because of the storyline of the character, what he has learned over the years. In the end, he becomes this softhearted, honest, gentleman. I feel as though in our culture today the hard part for guys is testing what is true manhood. I, not being a man of course, cannot state what that is...But I think this song starts in the right place. I appreciate the telling of the story almost as much as the twang. (wink!)