definitely, maybe, definitely

I just finished watching the movie Definitely, Maybe this weekend. It was okay, for a romantic comedy, I guess. I didn't have so much a problem with the plot as much as I had a problem with the part at the end.

Movies like this get me every time...I get pulled in emotionally, and I hate it. Towards the end of the movie, the dad says to the daughter, "You're the happy ending." Why does that get to me so? Because it opens up the old wound of not knowing, meeting, having a relationship with my dad. It's not that I don't have a good relationship with him. It's that the relationship is non-existent.

In other news, I have had a really great time this weekend with my roomates. And I want the weekend to last longer. I am glad that Friday is July 4th. Woohoo!

I am getting sleepy, so this can of worms post that I have just opened up, is going to have to close...maybe more next time....definitely...good night.

confidence is a tricky thing...

some days I am brilliant. some days I am controversial. some days I am just make a fool of myself. I think that my confidence is swayed by my feelings, as if they are a compass...I feel this about myself today so therefore I am confident. When I am unsure of myself in a certain area, I waver in being confident. Sometimes, I've been known to lose all confidence in myself over something small...seemingly small...that didn't seem so small to me. It happens to me more than I care to admit. It happens no matter how many times I try to quote a scripture about putting my confidence in Christ. I think that when I know I didn't do my all, everything I could, that is when I lack the confidence. However, sometimes, the confidence is not there even though I know what I am doing...I am hoping that this is just a phase of early adulthood. I hope that as I age, my confidence is more steady, less of a reed in the wind. But, what am I to do about it now? until then?

Everybody has a story...

Everybody has a story:
Okay, so I admit that my postings have been scarce as of late. I have lots ‘o’ reasons for this, and now will have a surplus…this is part of the rambling part of my post.

I was thinking this week about stories, individual’s stories, and how just by looking at a person, one might be surprised at his or her story. I found myself in that situation last night. I was working the drive-thru at Starbux last night and one of our regular customers came through and ordered some drinks for the whole family. Because I am a bit of a chatterbox anyway, I was just making small talk, and then casually made a statement that opened up this whole avenue of conversation.

From looking at a person, I think we as humans tend to look at an individual, and we think we “know” that person. We think that we have them “figured out”. Because of the location I work, I see many people come through that have money, success, fame…and they look the part of soccer moms, musicians, business professionals. Now, I think that I can have my own bias regarding those classes of people. But, last night all of those biases were swept aside, and I just talked to this person like they’ve been a friend for ages…And I found out a portion of their story, or testimony, which is the word they kept using. What a story it was. It was filled with themes of love, redemption, and surprises. It was definitely a bit of a Hallmark vibe. And because of this new piece of the puzzle, I now have this new admiration for the adversity this person has had to face. I can no longer fit this person into the usual biases that I fit the customers in….And it reminds me that these biases/boxes/etc. that I use are ineffective and useless anyway.

Someday I hope to have mastered this way of thinking and have it laid to rest.

list of 14 things on 43things.com

Well, this is one of my goals on my list. Some of them are mildly entertaining. Some of them are a far away thought. But this one, this one inhabits all sorts of ideas, memories, past mistakes, indecisiveness, and just plain regret. Because I have not finished something completely, I am hesitant to write about it. But, I guess I can look at it from a “progress” perspective.
This summer I started this goal. I started a class at a local community college. I started looking into things like credits, costs, and timing of the classes I needed. What I found was that I needed three credits, essentially one class. Just one. Only one. I was stunned. I started to wonder why I had went to school, and quit with only one class to go. But, I stopped that mode of thinking, as I know that kind of thinking profits me nothing. So, I planned my schedule, and took the nights off from my part-time job at Starbux, and forked over the money for the class and textbook. And now I am four weeks into the class, that is only five weeks long.
So, that’s a good explanation of where I’ve been. Stuck in a class 3 nights a week.
Now, because I don’t do anything lightly, I decided to finish my Bachelor’s degree online…and decided to start that the same time I was finishing up the other. I now affectionately call my room the dungeon. I feel like I have been glued to my bed doing some sort of homework for the last 4 weeks. But, honestly, I can’t imagine my life any different right now. I am finally getting something on this list scratched off, and taking a big chunk out of the “regrets” in my life.
So, right now, even though things are still a bit rough and difficult, I am doing oh so well…I am happy, feeling fulfilled, and enjoying the course of my life thus far.
This is a very different feeling than what I felt a year ago…more on that later.

See more progress on: go back to school