You read what?

I read this tonight.

I actually enjoy reading this magazine in my spare time. And because I have been in a sleep daze for the past day and 1/2...I bought January's issue going home after work. I tell myself to wait to read it at the library, cuz it's free! But, do I ever actually get around to reading it? no...

So, because the front cover mentioned "hidden causes of fatigue" I thought I might find why I have been exhausted lately, needing sleep like oxygen...

What I found instead was hopefully a little bit of character coming off the pages, speaking to my heart, making me want to exhibit that same sort of character...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Oprah interview Denzel, and him explaining what passage of John he's reading now...This guy's love is his family...I've always admired him, and loved his movies, or whatever...but to hear him talk about his children and his beliefs made me appreciate him for the kind of life he lives day-to-day, off screen.

And then, after I'd read, sometimes skimmed the pages, on the last page, I find Oprah Winfrey opening up about her "South Africa Heartache".

I was moved to tears reading about a demise of character in her school. What struck me was not just the tragedy of what had happened...the abuse of the girls. What struck me was her action, her determination, her candor.

I saw myself in this situation, and sadly my first reaction would be thinking that I had failed...failed the girls....failed at something else.

And then, I thanked her for sharing a lesson that I am not sure she initially intended. I thanked her for sharing her decisions...She didn't stop to think of the failure, as much as she grieved the situation...She concentrated on "what do do next".

I sometimes pride myself on my "survival" mode of thinking. However, I think that far too often, I stop myself from doing the next thing, and freeze in my "failure thinking". This sounds a bit "new age" I know...

But, if that's the circle I have to pop into temporarily, then so be it!

I want to make it a goal of this coming year -- 2008 -- to think "what to do next".

I don't want this to be some sort of motivational mumbo jumbo...

I want this to be concrete in my life...the "re-framing" how I see things...not seeing events as failure that freezes me into inaction. But, a way of seeing those events so that it propels me to action, propels me to ask the right questions, propels me to see things in the correct light.

I guess this is my first "new year's resolution"?